Today is my second to last workshop before my due date.
That means we have just ten days to go.
And the hospital have reluctantly given me permission for a home birth.
“That doesn’t mean its actually going to happen,” Ads keeps reminded me. “So we should still get the hospital bag packed.” Ads is very attached to the idea of getting the hospital bag packed so I’ve left him to prepare that bit for the hospital holiday. I, meanwhile, have been doing a different sort of preparation; mainly mental and emotional.
When I think back to Pix and Roo being born, I recall that by the time I actually started to push, its like I was already in another zone; a world of pain and ease, clenching and release, ebb and flow. As much as your man/woman or the midwife is THERE, its YOU and your body that are the centre of the pain and the push.
Its essentially your conscious awareness and pain receptors going through the experience.
A little like taking a hallucinogenic drug.
And just like taking a hallucinogenic drug, environment is vital.
That’s why I feel like I need to connect with the Space/Room (and what inspired me to write about space clearing yesterday).
So, I’ve selected the room for the home birth …
When I was looking on the web about home births the article I found said that “consider whether you’d like it to be private, like a bedroom, where you can labour quietly on your own away from others, or public, like your living room, where your birth assistants can watch.”
I don’t think I’m up for any public viewings.
The bedroom is definitely the place.
I’ve sat and connected with the space …
To me this means two things;
1. the literal area of physical space
2. the “energy” that fills that space.
“Right room – it’s you and me. There hasn’t been a baby born or living in this house for the last 100 years and in ten days or so we are going to bring new life here. So lets talk about how this going to happen.”
I’ve invited in a friend …
The friend is the Bath. The Bath is my second best friend after the Space.
I have a big feeling that we may hang out a lot together during the Big Push.
And of course the shower curtain.
Which has no buttercups on.
Because Ads put his foot down.
And would only let me get the B&Q basic brand.
I’ve thought about music …
Don’t think I’m going to play any. I sense it could annoy me and test my ability not to throw the CD out of the window so hard that it slices into the trunk and remains there like an iridescent shelf for pigeons to sit on. Which could be quite nice?
I’ve thought about the accessories …
On the web, home birth articles refer to candles and atmospheric enhancers. Like music, I’m not too up for this. Around the eight centre metres dilated stage, I think that I might want to punch myself in the head for being such a hippy if I have candles burning.
When I sat and asked the room what IT thought we should have, the idea of a jungle plant popped into my head.
A cheese plant.
I’m going to go with it.
I trust the room.
Deep, s-l-o-w breathing.
It all feels a bit imminent now.