Three Reasons Why I Made Today Mince Pie Bake-Off Day
1. Ads has had a very hectic week at work. He has been in the deli from 7am-11pm most days. Whilst he has cooked and baked and delivered many a delicious thing, I knew his schedule was packed. Hence he would be weakened and if he had time to make any mince pies by Sunday, they would be as slap-dash as an Ads could be – lifting my chances of winning (marginally).
2. On Sunday, Ads was due to go on a cold, wet, salty fishing tip for his friend’s birthday. While he was out all day getting cold and wet and exhausted, I would be busy creating a mince pie of such heavenly proportions that nothing he created could ever come near – lifting my chances of winning slightly more (marginally).
3. After the fishing crew returned to shore, the group of 6 would come to Naughty N’s to judge whose mince pie was superior. Knowing this, I had planned to base my mince pie around the psychology of a cold, wet man. They were to be robust, heart warming, rustic and fulfilling – just the thing that would hit the spot of a hungry fisherman, hence lifting my chances and blah blah blah.
Three Reasons Why I’ve Decided Today is NOT Going To Be Bake-Off Day
1. What with Pix’s birthday, tonnes of work, Christmas parties to attend and plan, delivery of the Gorgeousness Programme and an injury to my inner thigh – I have not had the time to sit and work out what my mince pie recipe should be. Have not had time to go and buy a jar of mincemeat from the Women’s Institute. Have not had a moment to test out whether I can even make pastry. Which reduces my chances of winning – radically.
2. Due to v v stormy weather the fishing trip has been cancelled. This means that the selected cold, ravenous judges will not be arriving at Naughty N’s house at 5pm in the same psychological state; my mince pies will not be suitable for them, hence the psychological battle-plan is flawed and needs amending. Reducing my chances of winning further. Again.
3. Despite working like a machine all week, Ads has ordered dry ice to present his mince pies with. Enough said.
In such unfair circumstances, the only option is that we postpone the Bake Off until Christmas Eve. It will now take place in Ads’ Deli, during which we will pull random people off the street and film them whilst they are force fed mince pies. This is good as it means that the judges won’t necessarily recognise whose mince pie is whose, eliminating biased judges and the need for blindfolds. Also, unlike the fishermen (whose palettes we are familiar with), random people will have random leanings towards a variety of random mince pies styles.
If you are about nearby on Christmas Eve, please come by and you can be a Mince Pie Bake Off Judge.
Mine will be ones that don’t have dry ice.