National Straight Talking Day

Life Design Action: Celebrate National Straight Talking Day

Requires: Words, courage and an opportunity (we make our own opportunities)

Does not require: Angst, aggression, bottling up feelings, holding in or wedge building

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***

When one lives in a very small community on a very small diamond shaped island, one tends to come face to face with the same people over and over again. These people fall into four distinct categories.

a) SMILERS. People you walk past, smile at and acknowledge (because you once had a conversation with them in the post office 4.5 years ago and have retained a nice, pleasant acknowledgement ritual ever since).

b) EXTRAS. People you don’t know, have never spoken to, yet have seen on a daily/weekly basis for nearly fifteen years.  They are  the familiar faces belonging to the waitress in the café, or the man who stands at the bus stop or the crazy newspaper delivery boy. Like old pictures of seascapes framed on the wall of your grandparent’s bungalow, you barely even notice them anymore.

c) THRUSTERS. People you are thrust upon and who are thrust upon you.  This can be through family, work or social groups. You know people who They know so inevitably you end up being thrust into conversations at some point. 20% of Thrusters are BRILLIANT and you love them and they become lifelong friends, 60% are nice and you befriend them on Facebook …

But some of them – 20% of them –

Are Bloody Hard Work.

You try and you try to make polite conversation, have a laugh, crack a joke or develop some deeper relationship based on the fact you share the same 3 by 4 miles of Planet Earth. But no. After each interaction you walk away wondering whether you are even worthy of being on this planet.

kitty-suicide

See, some Thrusters don’t smile. They look past you, over your shoulder, waiting for a more important person to come along and talk to. They give you the distinct impression that they know a deep, rancid secret about your past, have been discussing it and that their personal judge and jury have warned them away from you.

The other day I was sitting in Ads’ deli, supping my juice, when I saw one such Thruster from my past walk by.

“See him?” I said to Fosbury Goddess, who had whisked down from London for a wildly impromptu visit.

“He

is

a

wanker not very nice person.”

Nearby a man who was eating a goats cheese and beetroot salad, dropped his fork.

 “I spent YEARS trying to be mates with that guy,” I continued, with feeling. “Years! And I always thought that I was somehow not good enough, but actually, the reality is, he was just a wanker not very nice person.”

Fosbury Goddess and I then proceeded to have a conversation about being young and desperately pursuing Bad Thrusters in a weird attempt to get that Bad Thruster to like you (because obviously we are all dreadfully unlikable and it must be US who is somehow wrong and defective and not the Bad Thruster we are talking to).

The Fosbury Goddess had a fantastic, straight forward position on the subject. She said, “If I am talking to someone and its clear that we don’t like each other, I’ve stopped trying to make them like me. Instead I just say, “I don’t think we like each other,” and then I walk away.”

I looked at her.

I liked this straight forward style.

Fosbury Goddess continued, “Straight talking is a neat interaction. No one has to get upset and it saves a hell of a lot of time and energy.”

She paused thoughtfully. “I think there should be a National Straight Talking Day.”

Oh my.

WHAT an idea.

**********National Straight Talking Day***********

Er – yeah?

Imagine how much of our stuff could be sorted out in just 24 hours!

Since that idea exploded into my brain cells, I can’t seem to stop myself from not straight-talking and it is possibly the most liberating thing ever.

So far I have discovered that:

a) Straight talking doesn’t burn your insides with acid poison leaving you writhing on the floor, vomiting and wailing for help. There is life after asserting your needs!

b) Straight talking gets stuff sorted quickly, effectively and helpfully so you can get on with doing your shiz.

c) Straight talking doesn’t need excuses or lots of words. Just a no or yes can do.

reaganjustsayno

I have also learned …

Straight Talking takes practise. Is it just the British who are conditioned into people pleasing? Why are we behaving like mutated Brownies, wondering around our relationships, letting other people use our intestines as red carpets to walk upon? Straight talking isn’t about dominating or hurting others, but it is about asserting what works for us and what doesn’t in a relationship (intimate, family, social or business) and then not being wilted by the racking guilt that we have upset someone and may not be liked.

 Straight Talking takes courage. After years of keeping our mouths shut and bottling up our feelings, to say how we feel about something can be very much OUT of the comfort zone. Often people will only have the courage to say what they mean when all of those cooped up feelings have got to much. Finally we’ve “had enough” and then explode in angry accusations. This isn’t straight talking. This is angry talking. Try to step out of your comfort zone and create strong boundaries around what is good for you and what is not. Once you’ve done this a couple of times it gets easier.

Straight Talking can make you rich! No one wants to be a taker, but everyone wants to be a giver – right? We are all comfortable with being generous, but what about receiving what is ours too? I’ve learned from my coaching workshops that 80% of people are squeamishly uncomfortable about asking for money/talking about money and guess what? Most of these people are poor. Enough said on that one.

Straight Talking builds your chi. People waste YEARS of life and a lot of energy by avoiding straight talking. Things unsaid but deeply felt simmer and brew for weeks, months even years, robbing the person of their peace. Over the last week I have done some serious straight talking, not just with people, but with myself. The effect has literally detoxed my head and my heart and my energy levels are starting to pick up.

So – straight talking. Who would have known?

Dr__Seuss_Quote_by_pianoxlove112

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14 thoughts on “National Straight Talking Day

  1. Reblogged this on sarah colliver and commented:
    I need to digest this tiny piece by tiny piece…If I could adopt this mantra my head would be a calmer more ordered place..HOW ABOUT YOU?

  2. Straight talking is a real good thing. We had a guy hanging around here. He is really strange (not interesting strange, but weird strange – you know I normally have a thing for the misfits, but not this one). I tried conversation, which left me bewildered at the best of times. Then I tried ignoring him, which was impossible as he would just ignore MY wall of obvious indifference and continued to get on my nerves. Last time he was trying to be very funny, telling one of his stupid stories while straddling my dog! I asked him to stop it and he was like: “I don’t hurt her.” And I was like: “I can see that, it is just that I don’t like you, so you keep away from my dog.”. At first he thought Pepper wouldn’t like what he was doing, so I had to clarify once more that it really is ME who can’t stand him. And wah-lah – once I got this message through he got up and left quiet quickly and I haven’t seen him again so far. Great result for one minute of courageous honesty. BUT I find the straight talking gets harder the closer you are to people. Whenever I try to talk to Rado about important stuff (like the state of our relationship) he just straightly denies whatever I am saying. Everey discussion is stopped short by that because I then don’t know how to explain the problem to him as he would not even acknowledge its existance. Bit frustrating, really…

    How’s the Groove-athon? I just decided to give it a miss this last week as I felt really poorly. Might give it a new try from tomorrow on. The good thing about having my own programme and doing it alone: Noone here to make me do scary things when I fail… Although I have one scary thing ahead of me anyway – no matter how successful the Groove-athon will be…
    4 weeks to go…
    Love you!!!!

    • Hello my darlingness,
      I am very glad that you had a word with that weird guy – for Pepper’s sake and contrats on doing the straight talking thing. I understand what you mean about it being harder to straight talk with people who are close. The thing with Rado is that, even if he denies a problem exists, he CAN’T deny that fact that it is upsetting and hurting you. That is a fact.

      Groove-athon is interesting. Last week the mission was to spend a whole load of time in Nature, which I did. We went up to the Longstone, through the bluebell woods. I meditated on the beach and walked a lot. Then, on June 5th, which was also me and Andy’s 9 year wedding anniversary, my gran went to hospital with pneumonia. She’s really poorly and Granddad is in quite a state about it. Since then the chi-building has become more of a method to cleanse and rebalance my energy as opposed to cultivation. Also Jol and Naughty N aren’t playing. Golden Curly is, but I’m not sure what she is doing exactly.

      I think Groove-athon pressure is beside the point and yes, you’ve got quite an experience coming up ahead of you. Do you want some Bethan Style Labour Tips? xxx

      • Hey sweetheart,
        you wouldn’t believe what he CAN deny! He has the ability to turn a situation around in his mind – in a way that at the end I am the one who MUST be wrong as he is always trying his best and that must be enough. In fact he probably is just scared of that huge wave of responsibility coming up on him and I have to take that into account. At least he never tries to activeley hurt me – it is just thoughtlessness or situations where he is totally beside himself, that are really frustrating (as they are beyond his understanding in conversation). But anyway – I know him long enough to deal with it – my concern is just for the little one, that won’t be able to cope with this kind of behavior. BUT- I imagine even Rado won’t be able to deny the needs of a baby and will adapt as soon as he can hold our son in his arms.

        Bethan Style Labour Tips? YES, PLEASE! I haven’t done any prep courses and are generally quiet chilles about the whole affair of giving birth (so far). I didn’t want to interrupt that calm mindset by hordes of hysterical hyper moms-to-be (ever heard of helicopter moms? In Germany many women have their first child rather late in life and therefore tend to have very strong opinions about the whole thing – which they try to press on anyone who would listen). SO- some heartfelt advice from my soul sister would be much appreciated as it would give me a much better preparation than anything else I can think of!

        Really, reallys orry to hear about nan. I can imagine how upset granddad is (well- all of you are) and I can only hope she will get better soon. I send my love and light to you! xxx

      • Hi Janin and Bump!

        Gran is a lot better. I think she might even be coming home tomorrow. Have been at the hospital a lot, which has been draining really.
        Right – labour tips. (They are quite unconventional).

        TIP 1. Whilst having contractions get Rado to rub your back in a, well, sensual way. This sounds bizarre but I read it in a book called Spiritual Midwifery. At the time I thought it was nonsense but when I had Roo and it was too late for any drugs, I got Andy to rub my back and it was like MAGIC. In The Book (S.W) the theory behind it is that it took some hanky-panky getting the baby IN, so use the same hanky-pankyish hands-on-ness to get the baby out.

        TIP 2. Don’t under any circumstances try and curb the sounds you want to make. I was very polite and British when I had Pix. I’m not sure who the hell invented the idea of women lying on their backs to have babies but it was probably the same person who wrote the Adam and Eve section of the Bible. With Roo I turned into an interesting tiger-woman on all fours which I think all the midwives found very funny. I didn’t give a flying f**k and Roo shot out in one push. My one saving grace with the Tiger Woman thing was that there was a lady moo-ing like a cow in the next room.
        I’d rather be a Tiger than a Cow.

        TIP 3. When the pain comes, imagine that it is a wave of Life rushing through every fibre of your body. Get into the zone (which you will anyway, I know) that you ARE Life bringing forth Life and this is how it feels to be in that amazing place of Life Giver. Don’t fight the sensations as they come through your body, but ride them and let them flow.

        Apart from that, it is just like doing your driving test. It’s all very nerve racking before you start but once you’re behind the wheel, you just get on with it.

        Anyone else on here got some good labour tips for the Goddess known as Janin? xxx

  3. Right I’m on to it. I am about to do some straight talking with some of the bureaucratic difficulties I am encountering. I was enraged by a letter I was sent this morning.

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