Just Take The Hug

Life Design Exploration: Just take the hug.

Requires: Your hug history 

Normally we are all about Actions and Attitudes for Life Design. BUT today I am introducing a new thing; Life Design Explorations. Rather than a suggestion and a story, the Exploration is more a matter of discussion. Please add your ideas in the comments box. 


This week a coaching client said to me, “when I am hugged, rather than focusing on giving the hug, I am trying to focus on receiving it.”

And I thought “Mmmmm. Receiving, hey?”

Quite synchronistic, considering we were talking about the whole “Oh My God, I Can’t Just Receive” issue, yesterday – don’t you think?

And then I thought, “ahhhh. Hugs. I like hugs.”

Hugs are great, aren’t they? Lovely things. We’re all comfortable with receiving a hug, aren’t we – at least from some people?

On Facebook, my brother in law type person wrote very gorgeously about his wife, “Mrs B has just had a lesson in Huganomics. She now knows the difference between a hug, a cuddle and a squeeze. I’m pleased to report that she passed with a distinction.”

I think we should celebrate hugs more through Huganomics.

And I’d like to expand my awareness of this science by asking a few questions;

Is anyone else aware of being a predominant hug giver or a hug receiver?

Is there a hug imbalance in your life?

Do you ever hug someone you don’t really want to? (This brings us onto the touchy subject of having to kiss on the cheek someone you don’t want to and then end up moving your face and air-kissing, but still ending up feeling blurgh. I think an air kiss is better than a hug if you aren’t keen on the person though.)

Are men predominantly hug-givers or hug-takers?

Whilst mid-hug, is the giving and receiving collapsed into an all-round hug Oneness?

Are you even AWARE of giving a hug or getting one?

Is hug-awareness tied up in mind-set-at-the-time-of-being-hugged?

What are the best sort of hugs to get/give?

Huganomics can get exhausting. So many questions to be asked. Any thoughts?


14 thoughts on “Just Take The Hug

  1. … so lovely … I thank you and I love you for this article, friend … in my personal life I am just a huggin’ away … in my professional life, I rarely do … except for 2 hugs … don’t know whether you ever read my blog or know anything about me … or my 2 Angela Hugs … I will never forget, how … ever so subte … she leaned into me … begging for a hug, soI did hug her, whispering into her ear, that things will be okay in time … I don’t think, I overstepped my professional boundaries in this case … I work in psychiatry … so things can backfire badly sometimes … well aware of that … thanks for your write up, friend B … http://catsruledogsdroole.blogspot.com/ … anytime … Love, cat.

    • Hi Cat, mmmm, hug boundaries are tough. I remember my mum when she was a primary school teacher telling me that you were no longer allowed to hug little children if they were upset or had fallen over. I think she may have become a Rule Rebel in that time because I remember a little child once crying her eyes out because she’d smashed up her knee in the playground and my mum hugging her close, dabbing her knee with a damp tissue and squeezing her arm with gentle reassurance that all would be okay. Anti-hug Laws. I guess they are intended to protect the vulnerable, but they also remove a lot of Heart from Humanity. Good to hear from you Cat. xx

  2. I like all flavours of hug, mostly the really long- fairly firm bear-hug. I am a giver…however I believe I can evoke a positive response in even the most resistant huggee…
    Lets start a hugathon :)…..
    Gorgeousness blessings to you all xxx

    • Fosbury Goddess!! Hello! A hugathon sounds amazing. It could be like a hugathon chain letter and every person that receives the hug is given a little key/idea to pass on. I wonder how long it would take a hug to ripple around the world????? xxx

    • Very good point gorgeous Gallivanta … Yes. I have been on the receiving end of a non-welcome hug (as well as the cheek kisses). My phsyical response is to go stiff-like-a-plank. This is usually followed by a get-the-hell-off-me pat on the hugger’s back. Speaking of the hand pat … this is another element of the hug. What about when you are enjoying a nice long hug with your other half and then they pat you on the back? This can either be “there-there”ish OR “right-get-off-now-I’m-done-with-this-hug”ish. I’m not a fan of back patting – unless I’m trying to remove an unwanted hugger. xx

  3. Gosh….. this really is complex isn’t it…. I am a definite hugger and Rule Rebel like you Mum….. if ANYONE is upset my response is to reach out physically… and of course it’s not always welcome; and thinking about it when I am upset I don’t always want a hug….but sometimes I do? Geez. I guess it makes me feel better because when I reach out to comfort someone with a HUG I am at least doing something ; words don’t always cut it….. I try to stay longer in a hug now to try and feel what’s happening with the energy transfer… sometimes it’s one way only, but I find if I continue for just a few seconds longer (with someone who is willing, and emotionally able) that an amazing connection takes place…… Any one for a HUG?

    • LIZZIE!! I read your comment whilst in the The Life/Art Deli (mid-biscuit baking) but wanted to get home and on my computer before I answered properly. It is a bloody mine field this hugging business. When I got back home this afternoon, realised to my irritation that I hadn’t completed any of my missions today – and found myself seriously pumped up with excess physical energy from no running – Ads offered me a hug. I was all very crossed arms and “nope! I do not want a hug!” Then I did my little workout thing, shifted the pent up energy and all my hug boundaries were gone.
      I think you could defo be onto something with the energy transfer bit as well. Pressing two auras together has to have some sort of transitional result.
      Hmm. Huganomics is a lot deeper than we ever anticipated. Let’s keep digging deeper … xx

  4. Hi Gorgeous Bethan!
    I too am a giver and generally tactile type of person. With many years of experience as a nurse I’ve learnt how much or how little touch is needed or wanted (not getting it right every time!). I suppose hugs shouldn’t be a learnt thing but for so many people it doesn’t come easily – I like to go with the flow. Touch is a basic human need and hugs tend to be comforting rather than threatening. Often just a touch of the arm is enough – a wee hand hug of the arm! Pick your type of ‘hug’ 🙂
    Having been single for 7 years post divorce and now in a relationship for 3, I do now appreciate hugs! I value every hug I get, and am so lucky to have exactly the right hugs on tap now 🙂 (do we really stop to savour our hugs? whether given or received? as you say, just take the hug!) That’s just happened at the time of my life when teenage kids are less able or willing to hug their mummy! 😉

    Love your posts, sending big, warm love-transferring hugs xoxox

    • Why hellooo there C!!! Thanks for your fab insights on Huganomics .. it has turned out that it is not the simple, soft subject that it could have been. Hugs involve intuition, a gut feeling, energy exchange and huge power. I love the questions you’ve asked here about hugs too …
      Do we really savour our hugs? – One hug I really savoured was when Ads had gone spear fishing, got cramp, was washed out to sea and no one could find him. The coastguards were called, but luckily he’d managed to get to shore further up the coast. I was in London for the night and going spare when I knew he was missing. He was coming to meet me the next day and when I saw him walking over in Waterloo Station, that was one tight, squeezy, long, savoured hug I can tell you. Possibly named a “Joni Mitchell/ Big Yellow Taxi Hug”? (You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone).
      So glad that you have got hugs and squeezes on tap now that your babies are Hug-Cool. I reckon you should hide behind the door next time they are coming in and try a Hug Ambush!! Hehe. Love the fact that you love the posts. Thank you so much for the big, love transferring hugs (they are received with gratitude). Sending an abundance up to the Snowy Scotland for you. xxx

  5. An inspiring blog. Congrats on your Gorgeous book. It sounds empowering and refreshing. I look forward to following. Thanks for following Mr Oh. Have a gorgeous day of Sun. 🙂

    • Why thanks Mr Oh for both your complimentos on the post and book. Sunday here is pretty snowy and not so sunny, but it has been a gorgeous one none-the-less. Love your work and ditto re. the follow. See you soon. xxx

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