A few glitches but all OK

11.14am

Have made it to ferry despite a few issues on route.

1. Stopped at the petrol station and used feminine charms to swoon petrol attendant into filling up all tyres and checking oil. Feminine charms worked too well and petrol attendant made massive meal of pumping tyres to 36 pp-whatever-it is. Bit nails as he did this as I’m sure Ads said that tyres only should be filled to 30 pp-whatever on his car. Bit nails further because I was aware of time ticking away and ferry booked for 11.15am.

2. Finally got away and drove to sticks to pick up Naughty N. Tottered into house wearing nice crisp white trousers and elegant Chinese style top and some sandals from the bottom of the coat cupboard basket. Went to loo only to discover – shock horror – period had started and white trousers had SPOTS!! Why do periods do this? They turn up utterly unexpectedly and still manage to shock you even after twenty years of happening. Suddenly you slap your forehead, hit by a realisation sandwich that THIS IS WHY YOU’VE BEEN A COMPLETE BITCH ALL WEEK! Well, hurried downstairs and luckily Naughty N had some spare trousers and lilettes and so after a moment of panic and a quick change, everything was OK. And we set off.

3. Got to ferry and felt very official (having booked and therefore going into the Organised, Have Life Together Lane). Were directed into lane 1 and drove down very smugly, oozing narcism. Jumped out and hurried to cash point and chemist to buy extra stash of tampons.

“Not sure I like these trousers,” I told Naughty N.

“Too late now!” declared naughty N.

Bought tampons, mosquito bite relief cream and some other bits then headed back to car only to see that our whole queue had moved! We were blocking the rest of lane number 1!!! Number 2 were now on their way and a bearded man was hovering suspiciously behind Doris (Ads’ black Golf convertible who is feeling sorry for herself following the tyres being pumped up to 36 pp-whatever and is feeling pert but tender).

Had to RUN in heeled sandals, short Chinese top and dodgy trousers to car whilst lane 3, 4, and 5 watched in disapproval. BUT then we drove onto ferry and now all is ok.

So. Now all we have to do is drive to Devon. Hurrah!!

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