“Do you know what I find VERY worrying?” Naughty N asked me last week. Her eyes were staring into the distant horizon. Her cheek was supported by her hand, supported by her wrist, supported by her arm, supported by my creativity-scarred farmhouse table (poor table. I must sand you some day).
I sat down.
“What do you find very worrying?”
Face not even twitching a muscle, Naughty’s eyes beaded across to look at me. Then after a long pause, she finally confessed.
“I can’t remember the last time I embarrassed myself.”
“No,” I said slowly.
I pushed out my lips into a little volcano. I lifted both eyebrows. I stared into the horizon and I racked my memory. “Funnily enough, nor can I.”
When had Naughty N last embarrassed herself? When had I? When had either of us? And was this worrying? Well, surely not. Surely it was a very GOOD thing and not worrying at all. Having said that, it did raise a few issues of concern;
a) It might mean we weren’t doing enough daring things for our life-juiciness quota
b) It might mean that we’d become grown up and mastered being truly sensible. Erk.
Alternatively it could mean our embarrassment tolerance had sky rocketed over time and we were now immune from the feeling of general shame/humiliation. I had the feeling that this was probably the nearest we would get to the truth.
“Do you think that the children have felt embarrassed by you recently?” I asked.
“Well in that case you’re fine. It just means you have no shame left.”
“Ah good,” sighed Naughty N. “You’re right. Yes. It’s all ok. I felt quite worried just then.”
Phew. Crisis over.
But it wasn’t really over, because this conversation made me think.
There was once a time that I really, really and I mean REALLY cared about what others thought of me. It wasn’t so much being embarrassed in front of others, more about being judged by them. Losing this fear and converting self consciousness into humorous, self celebration is one of the most liberating things that has happened to me.
I think that in liberation terms, it may even be more liberating than getting the vote. (Not that I was around when this happened. And I massively appreciate the fact I CAN vote, even though I don’t because I see little point in voting for a variety of parties that resemble a variety of cereal all from the same Kellogs factory – different coating, same ingredients). I feel that voting does little for my daily existence, while letting go of the fear of what others might think or say has had dramatic, life changing results.
When I wrote Grow Your Own Gorgeousness, the message was all about BEING REAL and accepting yourself enough to start truly loving and expressing your Gorgeousness.
In the pages of The Book I confessed/splurged a hell of a lot about myself.
And then I went and let the world read it.
At times it felt like my diary had been published (a bit of a cringey feeling on my blue-not feeling very good-days).
And some people’s reactions made me uncomfortable. Maybe they found it cringey too? I don’t know. All I know is that they read the book and then steered well clear from that moment forth. Oops. Some people read GYOG and actually got all mad and had hissy fits about what the book was saying. Some didn’t want to be my friend on Facebook. Ouch.
Others, however, crept in close and asked to know more. Others leap forward to offer massive hugs, encouragement and gratitude.
Gradually I became more courageous about owning my Voice. I started to shrug off judgements – and negative self judgements – and began listening more and more to the gorgeous voices all around me (real and internal ones!) It was as though I had put a stake in the ground. I’d declared my own rare truth. By doing this I’d dared to stop trying to fit in and follow a tribe and instead, day by day, bit by bit, I began to attract my own tribe to me.
And I love this Gorgeousness Tribe.
The men and women who have come in so far are soulful, colourful, creative, dynamic and rich. Yes RICH! Rich in money, love, support, beauty, encouragement, wilderness, generosity and parties. They are artists, drummers, heart-led entrepreneurs, vintage tea cup sellers (hehe), mamas, travellers, mountain retreat creators, bloggers and long-lost clarinettists just waiting to start playing again.
Personal development dude over in America, Jim Rohn, says, “We are the sum total of the five people with which we spend most time.”
And put more simply by one of my gorgeous workshop participants who has an indigo plaster cast covered in tiny twinkling stars, “We are the company we keep” … How can we not be moulded and shaped by the tribe we are part of? And surrounded by creative, industrious, hilarious spirits who give themselves permission to just be and express themselves, how can we not become like this too?
I am SO inviting you, beautiful reader, to become part of this tribe. Consider yourself invited with the most sunshiney of Sunday feelings!
You can step into the tribe today by just giving yourself permission to be. be EVERYTHING you are. Can you imagine what would happen if you let go of your fear of embarrassment … the transformation that would happen in your life if you said a massive YES to your true Gorgeousness?
Can you imagine?
Please imagine it. It will make you feel really happy.
Wishing you an epic and wonderful Sunday.