The American in front of us glanced over his shoulder nervously. He was waiting for Friedrick to note down the second half of his epic lunch order. He was also aware of the unrest behind him; a snaking queue that grew longer with every sandwich order. It was surging up, pressing forward and the air was swooshing with impatient huffs.
“Relax,” grins Fosbury to the American, squaring her back to the huffy-puffles. “It’s only a bit of queue hate. They’ll live.”
We are in the Paul Rhodes bakery, Greenwich. I love this place. Every time I come up to visit the Goddess Fosbury we end up here, grabbing smoothies and traditional lemonade, ginger beer, bakewell tarts, tiny delicate meringues in foil bags and anything else that seduces us from the counter as we wait to pay. Today I’m going for an Emmental, mushroom and avocado Panini. Just thinking about it makes my mouth go all waa-waa and watery.
I’m eager to order it, but I’m not going to join in the huffing and puffing. Not like the tall, gangly woman who is currently screwing up the American like a obsessive premenstrual giraffe.
Yep, the queue hate is tangible. Yet me and the Goddess Fosbury are shielding the hate-victim with friendly chats and relaxed smiles. After all, this guy has waited his turn like everyone else. He has lined up, decided what it is that he wants to order and it is his human right to ask for it. OK, so maybe his requirements are quite big and maybe everyone else in the queue is angry, rushed, busy, frustrated, accusing and foot tapping, but so what? Queue hate may feel unpleasant, but it won’t kill anyone.
Sometimes though it’s really hard to ignore the feelings that our way of being – or mere existence – generates in other people. Sometimes just us, being us and requiring what we require, is enough to make loads of people very upset. Yet despite that, we still have the human right to be who we are and live our lives as a reflection of that.
In the original version of Grow Your Own Gorgeousness, I talk about something called Radical Self Expression. I’ve created this term to explain the experience we have when we finally commit to being who we truly are. So often people will ignore, resist, suppress, push down, run away and hide from who they are as if being true to themselves will make them unacceptable. Yet it strikes me that when we shun our “flawed” nature, those parts of our personalities fester and grow. What we resist ultimately persists, resulting in dysfunctional thinking, neurosis and irrational bursts of anger. By trying to be acceptable to others, we betray ourselves.
Yet when we start to say yes to ourselves, to our whole, beautiful, messy, half baked, perfection and begin to express that something amazing happens. A magic is released, energizing every aspect of our lives. Everything aligns, with each action, thought and feeling becoming an artful reflection of who we are. We create a foundation of self acceptance and self celebration in the very core of the self. We start to fall in love with the person we have been all along.
Having said that, saying YES to our true self and expressing that gorgeousness, other people are going to get pissed off. Our way of being may generate anger, bitterness, upset, even hatred and despair. Some people will be fearful of what we are doing and being. Others will be threatened. Some will feel violently angry (those people are the often ones who are violently resisting parts of themselves that they are now witnessing in you).
Yep. By being who you are you will inevitably create a massive queue of baffled, shocked, perplexed, judgmental people. They will tap their feet, huff and puff and draw breath at your shameless displays of self-expression. For some people the thought of queue-hate would be enough for them to run away and hide and never line up to ask for something delicious again. For others, the queue hate isn’t exactly a bowl of cherries but they won’t let it stop them from being who they are.
If you are currently experiencing or fear queue-hate in your life, let me pat you on the back, offer a twinkly smile and gift you with the words of the Fosbury Goddess.
It’s only queue hate.