Little Miss Zen

It can’t be true. Can it?

The morning light is creeping through the raspberry curtains and there is a heaviness in the air that hints last night’s storm passed our little island by. I am staring at the ceiling breathing evenly in and out. I am not meditating. I am in shock … Today is the very last day of the 6 week raw food detox.

My original theory (hope) was that a 90% raw food diet would turn me into a powerhouse of peace; a thirty year old Yogi who would not even need to sweep the path before her of unsuspecting silver fish, because passage through life would take on Legolas style lightness and flow of foot. My hope – theory – was …

Raw (a,b,c) = quick fix Zen (x,y,z).

Wrong. Not 100% wrong … more, mmm, 60% wrong. A definite D in my Raw Food GCSE (General Compassion (towards) Silverfish Examination).


I love howevers, don’t you? Complete backtrack, finger licking “wait one moment” in a single three syllable word. Oooh yes.

Ahem, however …

Despite the quick fix Zen not happening, I certainly moved in that direction. This happened in strange, sometimes unobvious ways.

1. I began to wash olive-jars and Tahini jars and found it impossible to throw away anything that could be recycled. This is astounding because I have never washed jam-jars in my life. In fact (and I’ve never confessed this to a soul before) I have known myself to actually stuff entire plates into the bin because they were utterly encrusted in something that was too dreadful to wash off. I am very ashamed of this now. Please don’t judge me too harshly. It was a long-ish time ago. But at least plates are crockery – you know? They aren’t plastic or polystyrene, so everyone who eats kebabs can now shut up about the plate!! Good lord …

2. I drank hot water with grace and decorum and floated through many a hedonistic, booze fuelled party on a little cloud of happiness and contentedness. The only time the hot water beverage caused me any difficulties was in a cafe when the woman practically spat – really hostilely in my face – “whatever floats your boat, madam.”
Interesting response, don’t you think? I was on the verge of inviting her to sit down and talk about her response, but my newly developing Jedi powers told me that she would grow two spiky heads and bite my nose, so I took my cup of hot water (and five other normal drinks) and skulked away.

3. I developed feelings for alfalfa sprouts. Maternal feelings. That wasn’t in my raw food manual under the category of side effects. But I’m sure it is natural. When you’ve driven for miles looking for a health food shop, purchased sprouts from eager health foodies, spent days rinsing seeds, watching the first little white fingers of life appear and tended the little things with kid gloves, well, feelings just … develop. Then you kiss them goodnight. And EAT THEM AAAAAALL UP.

So there. No Zen Embodiment. My life has not become super duper light filled with swishy organza moments but I HAVE lost a few pounds, improved my complexion, felt dramatically happier, forgiven loads, fung shui-ed my kitchen, levelled my metabolism, balanced my blood sugar, done less, been more and engaged in some down right strange conversations about wee therapy (?) and feel more balanced than I have done for a long time.

Final conclusion: If you want life to feel bubbly and sparkly and woozy as though you have just quaffed a champagne and strawberry lunch, drink champagne and eat strawberries. Which is exactly what I’m going to do today (don’t worry. I’m not an alcoholic … it’s my anniversary.)

So, big yawn. Big stretch. 6 Week Detox 99.9% complete. Have yourself a rad little day! x


2 thoughts on “Little Miss Zen

  1. Hi Bethan!

    Thanks for visiting my blog. I’m glad that I found yours this way, your writing is very inspiring!

    Did you have some Pearl Jam on the weekend? Joni Mitchell is great, but her voice always makes me feel so melancholic.

    Have a lovely week!


    • Hello Annika,
      Thanks for popping by here and for your kind words also. No I didn’t listen to any Pearl Jam … although I have a pretty music fuelled weekend ahead. My family are off to the Isle of Wight Fetsival which will be brilliant. I completely get what you mean with Joni. You have to be in the right mood for it I guess. I just love the way she paints her lyrics, like colourful tapastries woven from chords, melody and … yes … a bit of melancholy! Anyway, have a fab week and I’ll be over your way soon. x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s