Pocket Voice & the Acid Test

Hello lovely people. I hope you are all well.

I have not been.

Well – that is.

Luckily I can not contaminate you through a computer screen, so don’t run away. You are safe!

Being ill causes such a hiccup in day-to-day doings, doesn’t it?

I had loads planned for this week; cliff-walks to sublime beach cafes, kite flying with the children, an interview with an old friend of vastly creative proportions, an important meeting about future workshops … and … And … AND I was actually going to sit down and create the back cover copy for Grow Your Own Gorgeousness (paperback version).

This was probably the most loud, lurching, menacing hiccup of all.

I was so completely committed to the copy (for once). If only you kneeeewwww. I can hardly describe the energy it took just to contemplate writing the backpage blurb. It should be so easy, so simple, so short. But have you noticed that the simplest things aren’t always the easiest to do?

Writing a resume or CV or a personal statement is similar I think. I mean, how do we package and limit the vital energy of something so HUUUUUGE (ie. our us-ness) into less than a hundred words?

However for GYOG to go paperback, the copy needs to be written. And it really isn’t the copy’s fault. She is very much up for being completed. In fact she has followed me around for ages, tugging on my sleeve and looking up at me angelically.

So what have I done in response to this?

You know it.

I’ve ignored her.

For weeks.

And instead I have practised the Art Of Epic Procrastination to the point where a few days ago, I slammed down my fist and called a meeting with me, myself and I.

BRIEF: To explore why I won’t see to the back copy’s needs.

Little Voice: “Scared!”

Team Leader: “Scared? What of? What is so petrifying about writing less than 100 words for the back of a book that could either make it – or break it?”

Little Voice: “Exactly, Exactly, EXACTLY! Make it or break it. What if I do it wrong? What if GYOG goes to print and then I’m not happy about what I’ve written?”

Team Leader: “Brave Little Voice. Pat. Pat. You have just courageously admitted the Big Fear. What if the final thing isn’t good enough? What if we lick the envelope and it doesn’t stick then all the contents fall out? This Big Fear has lurked around the corner for our (Bethan’s) whole life. It isn’t exclusive to the GYOG copy.”

Little Voice: “It isn’t?”

Team Leader: “Nope. Think about when we (Bethan) was 19 and doing her driving lessons. She did all of the back work, slogged her guts out, went on many torturing practise runs with her mother through comatose bungalow estates. Then, the day before she was about to take the test …”

Little Voice: “Yes? What happened?”

Team Leader: “You don’t remember? You don’t recall that explosive misunderstanding she had with her driving instructor? It involved cross roads, some traffic lights, three other vehicles and several angry drivers. It also involved wheel grabbing, door slamming, stomping off and a driving instructor begging her to get in the car whilst he crawled along the dual carriage way in first gear.”

Little Voice: “Remembered. But – that wasn’t the same.”

Team Leader: “It was. And it is not the only time this has happened. Bethan is great at doing all the hard work, but she hates the acid test. Make or break. Make it or fall. Down. There. Wherever There Is. What is more scary than that?”

Little Voice (shuddering): “Brrr. I don’t know.”

So that was my team meeting. I sat feeling stunned.

I really understood deeply that I have already leapt over some bizarre and sometimes stupid chasms on my mission to get this book out there. And I am now simply teetering on the last little stepping stone and am frightened to leap because I’m frightened of the Acid Test … properly releasing the book into the world.

Luckily Team Leader is good. Really good. Hence why s/he was nominated Team Leader.

Team Leader: “Little Voice. Are you listening?”

Little Voice: “I am.”

Team Leader: “I know you are scared. I feel your fear. But we ARE going ahead. We have come all this way and together we are BIGGER than the back page copy. We must simply do what we have always done; come from the heart and trust in ourselves. We must leap. OK?”

Little Voice: “Okay, but before we do …”

Team Leader: “Yes?”

Little Voice: “May I hide in your pocket?”

Team Leader: “You may.”

So that was it. We leapt. The final leg between not having back copy and having back copy was hanging in the balance and then WHAM …

Most Full On Sickness Bug Ever Hits Me Around The Head Like A Germ Infested Cowpat.

It was an open ambush whilst mid air.

?

For a moment or two it didn’t look good. My foot hit the ledge. The copy I wrote didn’t work. I fell! But then I managed to grab the cliff side and … slowly … gradually … using all my willpower and strength, I pulled it together.

The copy came together …

And phew-diddly-ooh. I am now sitting on the edge of a high cliff. I still feel ill but the sun is shining. Behind me are all these bizarre stepping stones that have gotten me to where I am. With GYOG copy completed, I will soon have a paper back version that can fly out (in great flocks) to Planet Earth, spreading female wild-ness and championing the wilderness wherever it goes.

So maybe the ultimate acid test is right in front of me, but hey, I can handle it. It’s just another stretch of dicey stepping stones, chasms and a few wobbly moments.

And anyway, I have this little plan … I will tell you about it very, very soon. I would love to let it all out right now but I can’t because it will ruin the surprise. To give you a hint though – this next bit involves more stepping stones and maybe a few rope bridges and it also involves you … and your cross roads and stepping stones and all the brilliance that you want to create in your life.

And a list. It involves a list ….

Have a muchos gorgeousness day. xxx

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13 thoughts on “Pocket Voice & the Acid Test

    • Hello dear GorgeousnessWithTrowel. Sorry to hear your Pocket Voice is giving you hassle. I don’t know the details of what’s going on for you, but in my experience when the Pocket Voice starts winning the debate it is being spooked by some much deeper subconscious fear. Mine is often the fear of make or break/failure and fall. I was able to get to grips with it by seeing it as an image, leaping across those pillars and then getting to the last one and screeching on the brakes. When I saw it as an image I was able to logically understand how ridiculous this behaviour was and then take the final leap.

      Maybe what would be good for you would be to go for a walk in nature and take a pad and pen. Find somewhere snug or sunbeamy, then ask your Pocket Voice exactly what it is afraid of. Try and capture it in an image, a symbol. This way you can excavate it objectively rather than catching the Pocket Voice’s deepest fear. Once you get to grips with what this deep fear is you’ll probably notice it is familiar and has come up before. Then it’s just a matter of recognising that a fear is a fear. It is a thought – not the reality. Then trust in self and come from the heart and take the action you most believe in.
      Love you darling. PM me if you want. xxxx

  1. Uh hon- well done! Back copy has arrived savely here and is now led on a grand tour around the pickle factory with little J. I’ll let them play for a while so I can (hopefully) finish MY stepstone parcours first. But very soon she’s coming back to you in full garment and ready to shoot off into the wide, wild, world!
    xxx

    • You are a starlet, Janin. Back copy will adore the Pickle Factory. What a treat! And thank you for your complimentos on the illustrations. I tend to scribble together some doodles when I can’t find any sufficient photographs and they do the job well. Good luck with your stepping stones. LOVE!! xxxx (I am trying to cut down on exclamation marks and just had to delete quite a few from this reply!!!!)

  2. Hello! I rushed over in excitement when I read your comment on my blog just now. I was expecting something greener and hairier though hehe 🙂 (Grumpus like)

    But I do believe I have found my long lost blog sister, someone else that illustrates the long conversations that they have with themselves 🙂 I am more than flattered that you think our blogs have a similar vibe.

    The Doodologist venture of mine is a very new thing and I had so many conversations with myself that I was driving myself quite mad with it all. I still feel very much like I am top of that mahoosive cliff, but now that the business is alive, it is awesome getting feedback from people.

    Next step for me is networking in real life, outside! 🙂

    Althought I have only just found out about GYOG, I can’t wait for it to be in paper back version, because I shall definitely be getting it 🙂 Let me know when it is alive and I shall mention on my blog etc 🙂

    The projects sound amazing!

    /runs off to read more

    • Hello darling! Welcome and thanks for popping by. Have a little checky of my children’s positive thinking book Unleash The Zoo In You and you will find something green and Grumpus like (but more slippery than hairy!) Yeah – the networking in life outside is an interesting one and a place that I am occasionally dipping my toe into. I am goign to have a good peruse of your work and if any inspirational ideas come up shall let you know. As soon as GYOG emerges in paperback form I’ll send you a complimentary copy in exchange for a little mention on your blog if you like! Right I’m now zipping back over your way … hang on! x

      • I loved the children’s book! What a fanatstic idea, I have some mental health monster doodles running round and they need to be in a zoo.

        I will soon be armed with my business cards (forcefield of choice) and onwards to first outsidey type thing.

        Any inspirtaional ideas are more than welcome 🙂

        Oh I will give a BIG mention! Are you going to use Facebook, Twitter etc?

      • Hi Claire,
        Yay! You found the Zoo. I am intrigued by the idea of mental health doodles. Are you going to pot some on your blog or keep them locked safely up in private? I reckon you should bring them out and introduce us!! hehe I think business cards are definely a wise force field to take out to the big outside. I am on a mission to get some done this week … however, I also like the idea of your tattoo. And I shall certainly keep you in formed of any ideas …. Funnily enough a few people have recently mentioned Twitter. I think I may even have an old Twitter account. The truth is though, I only got my first mobile (I’m a bit slow on the take up) in January 2011 and so the thought of tweeting is a bit intimidating. I think I’m up for more radical forms of marketing … I’m going to do a post on this quite soon. Have a fab week! xxx

      • When I read the Zoo, I thought “Hang on! When has this woman been in my brain!”, I loved them 🙂

        The Bogart and Procrastinating Poltergiest have been released:

        http://crpitt.blogspot.com/2009/08/bogart-in-my-brain.html

        http://crpitt.blogspot.com/2010/07/feet-are-always-watching-or-something.html

        and I have been thinking a lot about them lately, I think Grumpus developed from the Bogart.

        I had a look at you business card post and immediately thought “Goddamnit”, because they are so cool. I was going to do my own, put instead fiddled with one of my illustrations in photoshop and sent it off to Moo.com.

        Twitter is definitely a marmite kind of thing, like facebook, but if you decide to dip your toes in the twitter/FB water, keep me posted and will try to help you out with it.

        Looking forward to reading about radical forms of marketing! I am hoping that I will start getting photo updates of people wearing the temp tattoos soon 🙂

        (no need to reply to this, I feel I have imposed enough already!)

      • Never! No one with a Grumpus or a family of mental health doodles could ever impose here. Before I whiz over to check out the Bogart and the Procrastinating Poltergiest I have to quickly say that the birdcage business cards were a pain in the backside to make. Flat, standard, clasic, style business cards are all the rage in Bethan World these days. xxx

  3. Hello my lovely! you’re right, it’s a well known fear; the ‘I can’t possibly be good enough so it’s better to fail by not trying than to do my best and still fail’ that I’ve been battling as long as you’ve known me. I’ll take it for a long walk somewhere pretty and have a long chat with it about how often I’ve shown it to be wrong x

    • Hi Kayt, hmmmm … that’s an interesting fear. It’s funny how we all have our very own special, unique little Pocket Voices all saying slightly different stuff, but the gist being the same. When you take your Pocket Voice out for a walk, please could you let it know (from me) that you are my most Long-standing, Inspirationally-abundant, Warrioress-weilding friend and that frankly, it needs to just shut up and stop cheating the world out of your greatness. And then hug it. Because I love all of you – including your deepest fears. xxx

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