It’s been pretty eyeballish around here today. It’s all about vision and blurriness. It’s been a discovery of trusting in the eyeball and how tiny LITTLE actions taken at the right time can make blindness vanish altogether. Sorry … that isn’t very clear … let me explain …
EYEBALL SUBJECT ONE;
Recently I have been worried about my eyesight. Sometimes I get worried about something like this and it kind of nibbles away at me, but often I’ll procrastinate and instead of doing something responsible like getting some help, I seem to prefer just sitting and biting my nails and thinking “oh nooo!” Thirty isn’t that old, but it’s old enough to know that no one is immune from age and my eyeballs are pretty precious commodities.
After all, I like seeing stuff.
Problem is, I also like doing stuff that isn’t very good for my eyes (reading late by lamplight, stitching book covers in semi darkness, staring at computer screens for hours and hours and hours while I write and doing close up, itty bitty art work).
It is hardly surprising that I sometimes see flickers and shadows out of the corner of my eyes. Things flash and scurry around. More recently my eyes have felt gritty and sore and a bit swollen. Sometimes, when I switch the light off to go to sleep I see weird geometric shapes in the darkness. I once told my friend Sam this (Sam is a scientist and writer of medical papers.)
I told her “Sam, I sometimes see…. stuff.”
She said, “Bethan. You see floaters.”
And at that point I would have taken Sam’s word for it, but then one evening I saw a particularly strange shape floating in the darkness above the bed. I pointed it out to Husbandy One and he became very prickly and shaken, because, what do you know? He could see the same shape too. Could it have been a sympathy floater? hehe
Anyway. I’m getting side tracked. Basically, over the last few weeks, my eyes have been feeling poorly and have been behaving in a peculiar way, so I took action and booked an appointment with the optician.
This was a very strange experience. The room was dark and there was this piece of equipment that looked like something out of a Victorian lunatic asylum. Do you remember in Return to Oz where the scary bearded psychiatrist wants to strap Dorothy to the bed and release electrical currents into her head? That’s what the piece of equipment looked like. Well, thankfully I just had to sit next to the machine, the appointment itself was painless … and really interesting.
It was the best £27.00 I’ve ever spent on a Tuesday lunchtime. The man did lots of pointing and I read lots of things and then he shone this really bright light into my eyes. This was crazy because when he did it I could see all these strange seaweedy patterns and when I asked him if they were blood vessels in my eye, it turned out that they were. He said that I was seeing a reflection of what he was seeing – the retina and back wall of my eyeball. How amazing is that? Best of all was that I passed the test. My eyes are 100% fine, just a bit abused. That’s all.
EYEBALL SUBJECT TWO;
The Eyeballish theme doesn’t stop there. Today I also came to an important decision about my creative visions.
You see, normally I am the queen of planning and envisioning and planting new seeds, especially at this time of year. In between Christmas and Boxing Day I bought myself a new journal. (It was a lovely light blue journal, smothered with a freshly baked cupcake design and inside segmented into different planning areas.) I then planned how I wanted to landscape and design my outcomes for the next few months. I set myself some outrageously huge projects and then went on a mission to get them done. Yet over the last few weeks I have come to the end of what I’d planned and my big vision has suddenly become blurry. Like I have walked so close to where I want to be that I can no longer read the script or even turn the page. My nose is practically pressing against the book. Eeks!
And worse still, a tiny part of me had begun to doubt the vision. For a fortnight I’ve been groping around, trying to make a decision over the best way to proceed.
Don’t you just hate it when you don’t know how to move forward? Sometimes the way ahead seems so unclear doesn’t it? We know what we want in our head and our heart, but the path is foggy.
Then today I sucked in my breath and took a step by making a telephone call with a lovely person who has been flitting around in the periphery of my life for some time. Having called him, I can’t help feeling that he is actually an angel in disguise. And I am filled with massive gratitude that I took the step and just picked up the phone. It turns out that this person is the very – and I meanVERY – person to help make my long term vision a reality. Our conversation was so inspiring. He was so inspiring.
And now I’m in a lovely space of celebration because I can now go forward knowing that my physical and mental visions are doing their job and I can trust them to guide me. Phew.
Have you got any crazy little plans or visions that you want to start out on this spring? If you have, I’d love to hear about them. In the meantime, have yourself a shimmering, diamante day!