Break Up Break Down

I normally wake up and follow the same pattern each morning.

1. A weak, pathetic hand emerges out of the duvet and grasps at the empty air.

2. The hand is followed by a small voice croaking “Tea. Tea. Someone bring me tea.”

3. I sit bolt upright and declare something along the lines of, “Sheet,sheet, sheet. There’s no bread for lunch boxes and I forgot to iron the uniforms. Nooo!”

4. Quickly dive back under the covers and hide there, keeping warm, wondering how long I can get away with staying warm and cosy in bed.

Yet the other morning something very different happened. I woke up like this WHOOSH. Then I noticed that hurtling around my head at a hundred miles per hour was this crazy thought. It repeated itself again and again and again and this is what it said; “Love yourself not for what you are doing but for who you are being. Love yourself not for what you are doing but who you are being.”

I paused, listening to this thought for a moment or two. Then I remembered that I had to get to the post office before school, as well as washing my hair and drying it. So, in the usual style, sat bolt upright and declared, “No! We’re late. KIDS! GET UP!”

And that was that.

Later that day I started talking to Husbandy One about a mutual friend, who, following the break up of a six year relationship, has had a breakdown. This isn’t the first person we know to be massively effected by the end of a relationship. We concluded the conversation by deciding that in today’s world, we are all constantly encouraged to identify with our jobs, our roles, what we are achieving and how well we are doing and that our relationships are the only real REAL thing we have. So much focus and energy is poured into doing-ness, yet relationships have little to do with doing and everything to do with being. That’s why its so tragic when a relationship ends. We lose a wonderful space in our lives where all we have to do is BE.

In a  relationship you get to be friendly, be happy, be funny, be loving, be authentic, be honest, be ourselves. They are there to be enjoyed, to be had … not to be done like a chore.

You can’t achieve in a relationship.

You can’t measure “how well you’re doing”. Or maybe you can. What do you think?

On the WordPress  homepage there is a banner that is titled “Stats To Obsess Over”. This often catches my eye because blog stats are now just another indication of how we measure our success and hence feel good as a result. Most (honest) bloggish folks will – at some point – obsess over their stats because this is a clear indication of how much traffic they have coming to the blog and hence, how well they are doing.

But lets face it. Some really beautiful, serene, wonderful people might not be doing well. People who are great at bringing smiles and friendliness and honesty and generosity to Planet Earth don’t always stick out from the Doing crowd. And on the other hand if someone is doing well – really well – in life regarding their work or status or finances, that doesn’t make them worthy human beings.

In fact, many people would say that to be successful in the business world you’ve got to be callous, cut throat, cold hearted and could be described by a word that might even rhyme with banker. But hey, that would be a massive sweeping statement. I guess that at the end of the day we live in a capitalist culture and that actively wants us to base our self worth on the work we are doing. And why not? After all, to be a successful, productive cog in the Industry Machine means that little self-policing cogs that dislike themselves unless they are pressing forward with vigour are essential. The process of doing keeps the whole system running smoothly.  

Anyway, at some point during my conversation with Husbandy One, the thought I’d had on waking up suddenly popped into my head; loud, clear, ringing out. Love yourself not for what you are doing but who you are being. And it was a moment of “Wow. Yes. So true.”

We live in a world where being must be balanced with doing, but we can choose to base our self worth on the qualities we bring to this world, not for what status we have within it


I love this quote by Tuli Kupferberg, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” 

Its reminiscent of the knitting post I put on here a while ago and reiterates that just by making little itty changes, brand new patterns and worlds can emerge.

How would Planet Earth shift if all the little cogs in the Industrial Machine made a tiny shift in their perceptions when they woke up each morning? Instead focusing on all the things they had to do during the day, what if they first thought about all the qualities they want to experience through their human beingness …. being happy, being honest, being creative, being prosperous, being patient – just being human – instead of “oh my God, better get up and do my stuff.”

Better go now though, as it is a school morning and I have just realised I’m on my computer and it’s time to go and I still haven’t brushed my teeth. Nooo!

Have yourself a brilliant little day. X


One thought on “Break Up Break Down

  1. Fab post…reminded that when I come from my heart and am guided by how I feel everything flows, when I get stuck in my head and let myself be guided by my thoughts/what I think I should be doing then life seems to loses its energy and enjoyment, or rather I do, and I get lost in the craziness of this world!!! Thank you my wonderful friend x

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